Archiwum Spojrzenia Serca

In today’s Gospel, Jesus talks to the crowds in parables. He liked to do that for a number of reasons and one of them spoke to me today. Even though the reading ends with the words: „Whoever has ears ought to hear!”, to understand the parable you need to stop listening with your ears and start listening with your heart. Sometimes we would like to get clear answers instead of going beyond what is obvious at first glance and finding the depth, in which God speaks to us. Words that recently accompanied us for the morning prayer, reflect this depth very well: „I will show you hidden things, hidden things you have not known.” „It is only with the heart that one can see rightly. What is essential is invisible to the eyes” as the fox from the Little Prince used to say.

During the Chapter, I have the opportunity, together with capitulants, to take part in some organized trips. Last week I was in Castel Gandolfo, where you can now visit the beautiful gardens, which the popes used to stroll through. There I joined the Spanish group to catch up on my language and the thing that made us laugh, was a word overused by our Colombian guide. The Italian phrase „ovviamente”, which she repeated in every sentence means „obviously”. It sounded even more ridiculous when she used it while explaining the details of ancient Rome, which most of us had no idea about. How easy it is to take things for granted if we feel experts. However, given God’s perspective, we can say without exaggeration, that we do not have the slightest idea about what the world, life, death or faith are… Nothing should be obvious to us.

Yesterday, I set off to Rome, where I was only once before – 21 years ago (so I do not know if that even counts…) – but instead of going where most pilgrims went, carrying large crosses to pass through the Holy Door, I headed in the opposite direction to Trinita dei Monti. There, at the top of the Spanish Steps (which, ironically, were again renovated as 21 years ago!!) is a beautiful basilica, but it was also not the object of my visit. I went up to a small passage on the left side, where one wall there is a very important fresco – our Mater Admirabilis. I sat with her for a while and tried to see something more than an image of Mary combining contemplation and action. That „something more” can only be seen by a heart, which in the history of the fresco painted by our candidate in the days of St. Madeleine Sophie, can find a piece of it’s own story.

Yesterday I also had an incredible pleasure to see the chapel created by Marko Rupnik in the Jesuit Curia. His mosaics are stunning for me every time. This one shows the scene of the Incarnation and Nativity, one of the contemplations of the Spiritual Exercises of St. Ignatius and its symbolism is extremely rich (described on a full page!). Apparently, however, someone did not like the fact, that there is no reference to the resurrection in the chapel, so the artist, being a bit malicious, made a small chicken hatching from the egg in one of the corners 😉 Inevitably, such situations will meet us in life if we keep expecting simple and immediate answers instead of looking for them in a reality, which is very complex, mysterious and, above all, not at all obvious.

This morning when I read about the attacks, my first thought was „it started”. Now everyone will be the expert to judge. Some will use the tragedy against refugees, some will use it a an excuse for bombing another country and just accidentally taking some oil. Some will change their profile picture to the flag of France, and others will increase inspections at airports. Some will light a candle at the French embassy, and others will in another way declare their solidarity with the French. The question, however, is much deeper – will this change the world? No. It will restore our peace. We will stand in solidarity, declare war on terrorism, will not let „others” into the country. It will be calm. In a few days, weeks, months, everyone will forget about Paris and return to everyday life. Only, again we are seeming to miss the gospel… „Do you think that I have come to establish peace on the earth? No, I tell you, but rather division. From now on a household of five will be divided, three against two and two against three” (Lk 12: 51-52). Peace is not the greatest value, love is.

Today I visited the museum of exile in Gdynia. This is one of the modern museums, where in an interactive way, you can learn an important part of our history. This time, the history of immigrants, who at different times, in different directions, and for very different reasons left Poland. Some have been forced to do so, but most did so voluntarily. When I read about the ships to America, where in inhuman conditions, taking third class, young men traveled in search of a better living, it was hard not to notice how not much has changed in 100 years. Only now, in Poland, we are at the other side. For some, today our country is a dream. And some of us, knowing our history have the nerve to shout  „Poland for Poles” … Nation is not the greatest value, love is.

More than about the victims and refugees, I thought about the perpetrators today. What could make someone do such cruel things in the name of God? We know it’s essentially not about God, but I think it may be about ideals. Ideals that have been taken away from the youth by a secular world. We don’t want anyone to feel stressed, we try not to be demanding, but we believe everyone is entitled to have everything. Perhaps this is where we can find the root of violence and people looking for the meaning of life in the wrong places.  Maybe this is why they reach for fundamentalism which leads to a great tragedies. Ideals are not the greatest value, love is.

And where in this world full of pain and injustice should a Christian find himself? What should he do to change the world? Only love. So little and so much at the same time. Loving every refugee, every Muslim, every neighbor, and what’s more – every single terrorist. Every Christian should spiritually adopt one of the terrorists in ISIS. He should faithfully pray for him every day, he should fast for him and offer his suffering for him. He should trust his almighty God, that He can transform the human heart, which has been overwhelmed by hatred, which has been brainwashed and which is killing in the name of God. Do you believe He can? Do you really want to change the face of the earth? Just love.

Today’s gospel presents an interesting story and is very inspiring for me: „At that time Jesus was going through a field of grain on the sabbath. His disciples were hungry and began to pick the heads of grain and eat them. When the Pharisees saw this, they said to him, “See, your disciples are doing what is unlawful to do on the sabbath.” He said to them “Have you not read what David did when he and his companions were hungry, how he went into the house of God and ate the bread of offering, which neither he nor his companions but only the priests could lawfully eat?” (Mt 12,1-4).

Lately I have been thinking a lot about sin. Based on my own experience and some observations of the world, it seems to me that it can be understood in two ways depending on the attitude that we present. The first attitude is when we understand sin as violation of the law, disappointing God in His expectations for us, not keeping our word. We then seem to live in view of the penalty, which can be understood as the anger of God, eternal condemnation, or maybe just God’s slight disapproval for our happiness. Typically in this approach, sin appears as the forbidden fruit, which essentially would be nice to eat, but it is „not allowed”. It is also not proper to ask God why it is forbidden, because it might seem like questioning his omniscience… Our favorite quote from St. Paul is: „Refrain from every kind of evil” (1 Thessalonians 5:22). We tend to hide in a safe harbor, where we try to be „correct” and where no one can find anything against us or, in other cases, certain of our excellence we look at others pointing out their mistakes.

The second attitude is very different from the first. We understand sin as lack of love, a lost opportunity to be close to the one whom we love most; as pain that we apply to ourselves (even though we might not feel its effects yet). We are longing for fullness, we see how far we are from true Love. Then we have a lot of questions, doubts, we argue with God, we walk away, we come back, we look for our own way towards Him. We live on the fringes of the law, often exceeding them, we expose ourselves to criticism, allow ourselves to be questioned. We do a variety of stupid things, but we have confidence in the heart of the two: Firstly, we know that sin is the worst thing in the world, because it separates us from eternal and temporal happiness – we realize that it’s the devil’s doing, that it appears to be a tasty treat. Secondly, we have unwavering confidence that God is waiting for us with open arms to welcome us back, even if we get very lost. Though often we do not do as we want, we are not afraid to make mistakes, because we believe that they teach us how to be better and let us grow. We also know that sin is not a matter of external acts, but can be seen in the heart that is known only to God. Our favorite quote from St. Paul is: „Everything is lawful for me, but not everything is beneficial. Everything is lawful for me, but I will not let myself be dominated by anything.” (1 Cor 6:12)

Do these images seem familiar? Of course, the Merciful Father and his two sons! An image so important in the year of mercy. It encourages me first of all to look at the older son and let go of the attitude that led him to a tragedy. His biggest fear is the thought that there will be no judgment, there will be no penalty and there will be no justice, in the sense we see it today. This fear is quite justified, because he is trying all his lifetime to live righteously, and not be like the „prodigal” one, sacrificing his own happiness for God. If that’s how you see the world, listen today to the strong words of Jesus and do not look now down at the prodigal, but learn from him an important lesson:

„If you knew what this meant, ‘I desire mercy, not sacrifice, you would not have condemned these innocent men. For the Son of Man is Lord of the sabbath.” (Mt 12: 7-8) And not only the sabbath, but also the world, sin and EVERYTHING!

I was supposed to be quiet for some weeks, but life surprises 😉 The Chapter began yesterday with a beautiful opening and a Holy Mass with the presence of Adolfo Nicolás, general of the Jesuits. I had gathered a lot of video material and since yesterday afternoon I have been working on it. Because this is, a least in some part, a work for God, you can easily see that the devil in not happy about it. From my experience, the things he likes to take advantage of most are all the electronics. Today since morning I have been fighting with my computers (I already gathered 3!!) to make them cooperate with me, but with poor effects.

At lunch I was feeling down because of the fact, that I have not moved forward today and people are waiting for the fruits of my work. Listening to this, my sister from France just looked at me and said, paraphrasing  John of the Cross: when you sit at your computer, meditating while it is trying to unfreeze, think of a man, that, on a Friday like today, dying on the cross, could have just said „I have done nothing today”.

So here I am, waiting for my program to unfreeze, writing my blog and thinking of Him. It’s His work after all – if it wasn’t for Him, we would all definitely not be here. Patience is my gift for the day.