I must admit that I have been preparing many months to write this text, but I decided that I will not start until I read the Amoris Laetitia exhortation on the family. This document is a result of the discussions of bishops gathered at two synods in the past two years. The entire text is a very valuable instruction of the head of the Church regarding married life, the understanding of the hymn of love, raising children. It discusses a number of problems that affect today’s families, and I believe that you should not get discouraged to read it because of it being a papal document – it is written in a language very simple and comprehensible. I think this will be my gift for all upcoming weddings 😉
The topic of marriage, although it does not concern me directly, is an important subject for me. Over the last few years with horror I have looked at the ease with which people split up. I witnessed d0ivorces of my friends in the first years after the wedding. I also saw other friends matching up with those who had just divorced, without looking at the consequences. I participated in weddings, where I felt that the event in the church is just an unwanted theater before the reception. All these things hurt me, because they strike at the heart of one of the most beautiful sacraments, which should give strength to survive the greatest difficulties if you accept it with faith.
But there are things that hurt me even more. There are people who, after the earthquake that swept through their lives, battered by fate and their own decisions, after many years discover the true relationship with God and have a sincere desire to fully return to the Church. But it is already too late. Before them now is a great wall, which you cannot jump over nor go around it and there is also no turning back. Totally trapped. Chapter VIII of the exhortation dedicated to the „irregular situations” (which basically means the divorced and re-married), for me is an amazing weapon to crush that wall.
Usually these people with a difficult past at some point start to care most about their relationship with God. They are often great marriages, which at some point complicated their lives, but who, if they could, would accept today the sacrament of marriage with a far greater awareness and responsibility than the young. I recently had the opportunity to accidentally witness such a wedding. It was very modest, even a little sad in its form, but also incredibly beautiful, because it was clear that they are not there for a pretty dress, historic church, or to please their grandmothers, who keep asking awkward questions… they were deeply convinced that this sacrament has great power and for this power they have waited long.
And now, let me just allow Francis to take the floor:
„It is a matter of reaching out to everyone, of needing to help each person find his or her proper way of participating in the ecclesial community and thus to experience being touched by an “unmerited, unconditional and gratuitous” mercy. No one can be condemned for ever, because that is not the logic of the Gospel!”
„If we consider the immense variety of concrete situations such as those I have mentioned, it is understandable that neither the Synod nor this Exhortation could be expected to provide a new set of general rules, canonical in nature and applicable to all cases. What is possible is simply a renewed encouragement to undertake a responsible personal and pastoral discernment of particular cases, one which would recognize that, since “the degree of responsibility is not equal in all cases”, the consequences or effects of a rule need not necessarily always be the same. Priests have the duty to “accompany [the divorced and remarried] in helping them to understand their situation according to the teaching of the Church and the guidelines of the bishop.”
„Recognizing the influence of such concrete factors, we can add that individual conscience needs to be better incorporated into the Church’s praxis in certain situations which do not objectively embody our understanding of marriage.”
„For this reason, a pastor cannot feel that it is enough simply to apply moral laws to those living in “irregular” situations, as if they were stones to throw at people’s lives. This would bespeak the closed heart of one used to hiding behind the Church’s teachings, “sitting on the chair of Moses and judging at times with superiority and superficiality difficult cases and wounded families”.”
„I encourage the faithful who find themselves in complicated situations to speak confidently with their pastors or with other lay people whose lives are committed to the Lord. They may not always encounter in them a confirmation of their own ideas or desires, but they will surely receive some light to help them better understand their situation and discover a path to personal growth. I also encourage the Church’s pastors to listen to them with sensitivity and serenity, with a sincere desire to understand their plight and their point of view, in order to help them live better lives and to recognize their proper place in
the Church.”
I don’t know about you, but for me, these words are absolutely revolutionary. They say this much: if you feel that these words are for you, if in your heart you have discerned with God that your situation cannot be resolved formally, don’t remain trapped! Seek, ask, go to the priest, to the bishop, wave to him with the exhortation and say that you have come to look for mercy. And do not give up until you find the way to crush the wall, because for God nothing is impossible!
