The big news is that I am leaving school and Gdynia – at least for a while – and I will be in charge of our vocation ministry! Apart from closing things in school, I am also moving to Poznań. That means a lot of packing…
Packaging is a well known thing for me. I am moving for the third time since I joined the Society and I have done it countless times before. The sound of tape and paper boxes reminds me of the different stages in my life. This year, however, I paid special attention to a temptation that comes up. When I take out a pile of papers from my shelf and find things, that I didn’t even remember I had, a silent voice says to me: “There is nothing to look at here, pack everything.” It seems like an innocent thing, because even a few extra boxes would fit into the car and I would transfer them to Poznań. Then while unpacking, I would probably here the same voice: “There is nothing to look at here, put everything on the shelves.” The problem is not that I would have less space on my shelves, but the fact that I would have dismissed myself from answering a very important question: what do I actually need in life – as a woman, a Christian, and finally a nun. What will I need for my new mission, and what can I leave behind, without unnecessary sentiment. What will help me in following Jesus more closely, and what makes me turn quietly away from Him.
It seems worse, if such voices come up in our spiritual life. It may be that God will discover areas in us that we have not known before, and we will find it easier not to look at them. We are able to carry a heavy bag of unresolved issues, unexplained quarrels, undetected desires and unknown grievances for long years. But for what?
Perhaps that is why I like packaging – if I do not listen to unkind voices in my head, it is a great opportunity to get rid of what, instead of giving life, has become an unneeded ballast. Will I have enough courage? After all, they might always “come in handy”.